Thank you for joining me in the 40 Steps of Wholeness Journey. Over the next 40 weeks I will share 40 verses in no particular order that have shaped my journey to wholeness and helped me reconcile my sexuality and faith. This week I start with Esther.
Esther 4:14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”
The journey to wholeness consists of courageous moments of sharing. These instances not only help ourselves but they help others. Like Esther we are all connected to communities of accountability that need us to stand and be bold in such a time as this.
This story and verse has been a touchstone for me at various points in my life. I have taught about it, preached from it and always been inspired by the lessons gleaned from it. When I reflect on how this scripture has been a step in my wholeness journey I realize it has reminded me that stepping out in faith is equal parts boldness and God’s timing.
It is God’s timing of circumstances throughout my life that reminded me of how important the healing process is. How I needed to do the work of reconciling who God is with who God created me to be. It was the acknowledgment that my healing is more than personal work. That truly, healing is about developing an embodied testimony.
I remember being at a youth lock-in maybe a year or so before I answered my call. We were in an all girl’s session. I don’t remember specifically what we were talking about. I do, however, recall the pressing feeling I had to share my story. I wrestled with God because to me there was an image I felt I needed to maintain.
The wrestling gave way to acquiescing and I told the group how I had been in a relationship with an older man and had an abortion. I shared with them my struggles with not knowing how to say no to sex, feeling alone and uncertain of whether I was going to hell but trusting that God would forgive me. I also remember letting them know I suffered a lot by myself because I did not think I had anyone to talk to and how I had eventually worked through my guilt and shame and believed God had forgiven me.
It was in that moment, at that time, that my testimony helped a young lady know that they were not alone. After the lock-in a couple of ladies thanked me for sharing and then opened up to me about their experiences.
It was just such a time that reminds me my healing is not for my personal consumption but also for communal sharing and uplift. Like Esther we are connected to communities who are calling us to be whole, be bold and be a witness to God’s healing in our lives.
What have you been called to share for such a time as this? How are you pursuing healing in this journey to wholeness? In what ways have you been able to share your wholeness with others?
We all have a testimony of God’s healing work in our lives; of ways we have reconciled our sexuality and faith. Will you respond when it is time? Will you be whole?