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Breaking the Silence…Revisited

When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed.
But when we are silent, we are still afraid.
So it is better to speak. ~ Audre Lord

This post was originally written May 2014.  It was written during a time in my life filled with starts and stops.  The amazing thing to me is the message then is consistent with my message now – helping Black women bring together sexuality and faith.  We are called to live boldly at this intersection.  Wholeness is about this truth.  Will you break the silence?  Will YOU be whole?

Today I am breaking my silence. I am boldly and courageously entering the blogosphere as a voice who believes all people – particularly Black women – can be fully faithful and wholly sexual without having to be silent about how we are created and who we are called to be.

It is no secret that the Black church, generally speaking, has not provided safe space to have open and honest conversation about sexuality. However, this reality doesn’t prevent us from creating our own safe space; from finding ways to wrestle with the topics the church actively avoids but we clearly experience and deal with on a daily basis.

This blog is an act of radical self-love to inspire and encourage Black women to boldly face and live into being fully Christian and wholly sexual. That point of intersection where we are called to be black church women that embrace who we are as Christians and love the Lord fiercely as well as women who have real sexual needs and struggle with the decisions around managing said needs.  We live our lives at this intersection.

Our faith tells us we are created in the image of God and our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We believe we have been given these beautiful bodies for God’s spirit to live, move and have its being. We have been blessed with the gift of sexuality.  And this gift comes with responsibility; a responsibility to take care of and be good stewards of how we use and share our bodies with others.

Even in light of these truths.  Being fully aware that we love God with all of our heart, all of our soul and all of our mind, doesn’t diminish nor erase the struggle we have developing a sexual ethic that honors what we believe scripture says, what the church has taught us, how we understand our relationship with God and what it looks like to live a committed Christian life.  There are no simple answers.  There is no quick fix.

And because of this it is time to break the silence.  Gone are the days where we can sit idly by and do nothing.  We are living in a cultural milieu where sex reigns supreme.  And more and more we have to be clear on who we are and how we choose to be sexual in this world.  None of this comes easy.  It requires engagement, conversation, and reflection.  We will not all arrive at the same answer.  However, we can all journey together as we work out our soul salvation.

I don’t profess to have all of the answers. I also don’t claim to be an authority on such matters. What I do know is I am a Black churchwoman, who loves the Black church, who loves sex and believes in God and the power of community and conversation.  I’m just extending the invitation for you to join me in breaking the silence.

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1 thought on “Breaking the Silence…Revisited”

  1. Thank you for starting this conversation. I too am a black church loving Christian and a same gender loving black woman. Being raised from birth in the church I learned early on an unspoken message that discussing sex (I don’t think my mom even understood sexuality) and God in the same sentence was a great sin. Even now as I try to respond to your conversation starter I find it hard to reconcile the thoughts in my head with the thoughts in my heart in an effort to write a coherent sentence. My partner and I are isolated, no black church in which to worship. I don’t even know any other black Christians we can have this conversation with. Our voices have been silenced. I know that I am not alone. Even if one is not same gender loving, the messages we have received in particular from the church and church leaders have been that you can’t love God and sex too. I would love to be free enough to discuss this in a forum with other women who love God, love the church and love their bodies.

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